The 2kDozen 500: #126 - B. Bravo, "Kiss 'n' Tell EP"

Whilst spending a groovy hour or two at Bison Coffee in York, I happened upon the Christmas Stool Pigeon and within a wee article on B. Bravo. A updated G-funk, they said. I've recalibrated my tastes of late to include the laid-back side of Nineties gangsta business, following some use during my wedding disco. (Enjoy all this biographical information, chums and government snoopers; can't promise you'll get it every week.) So I thought I'd clap ears.

The only problem I have is that these sound pale imitations of the originals. I put this down to an unhealthy diet. Warren G and Dr Dre could dig on a feast of funk and R&B bubbling up directly from the headwaters. B. sounds like he's dealing in a weedy, Playstation dummy version. He pulls the crisp, correct moves, but they are the ghosts of the moves that his forefunkers pulled.

It's smoove enough to idle the time away. "Right On Time" is especially awash with synth shimmer and Style Council bass bom-bom; it's all court shoes and jumpers over the shoulders. Lyrics are all urban and money and ladies. I decide I like it. But I like the "Synth Dub" version more: even wider spaces to tool about in with your convertible and pastel-shade cocktails. "Substance" lacks substance though: too scratchy and fiddly. Lady Alma is being all sultry and transactional ("You got what I want/I got what you need"), but it's too cold and stilted and empty. It peters out into drum beats and stops.

"Swang" has a bit of that UK Funky touch; g-Funky perhaps? It's feet are still firmly in a tunnel that runs between the Nineties and the Nowties. It's the more interesting of the tracks for mixing up the influences a little. Shiny sherberty instrumental lurch.

Rating: Miami Vice out of Games Console