The 2kDozen 500: #140 - Nicki Minaj, "Pink Friday...Roman Reloaded"

Strange faux Cockney chorus on the opening track: yep, noted. Plus wobbly version of "Come All Ye Faithful" for good measure. She's cracked, then. Established. She's busy too - judging by all the tracks that she's appeared on that have been picked up by the fucked-up receivers at the pop outpost that I knock about in. I've heard comparisons with Missy Elliott, but she's got a harder edge. And she's more about the tits than Missy was. More about our titty times than the Brave New Millenium.

"Dick in your face/Put my dick in your face," she croons sweetly. Awh, bless her. Don't suppose I need to point at the gender business here and jump and down too much, do I? Missy was more situated in a cartoon version of her own body, wasn't she? Or am I roseying the retro-spectacles? She wants us to "Suck a big dick" on the next track too. Monotone........

Nice twisty sonar ping pong scrabbling over the low end bass on "Beez In The Trap", but it isn't enough to overcome the sense of bare floorboards and too much nitty gritty. I'm back to feeling the fear. I must be one of those bitches they so keen to identify.

"I don't do shots either/I'm buying the whole bar." That must be exhausting. All the paperwork. Pink Friday with pink slips. All that endless acquisition - mind-numbing! "Champion" reaches for a bit more of a social conscience, which I would like to think explains why it's musically a little interesting. That's just what I'd like to think, there's no actual reason for it. In social terms, it's just a shout out to the neighbourhood from NM, then a space for some more of that there braggadoccio.

She talks about her album as being less about her, less guarded and less vulgar and sexual than her first "Pink Friday". Doesn't really give her much more to work on, judging by what she does wrap about. And couldn't she come up with a new title? I can't move away from the feeling that I've a completely different idea of what an album should be, what music could be - and that there's next to no point me listening to or thinking about this stuff.

"Right By My Side" will be spreading its fingers into discos all around the national condition, if it isn't already. It's based on generic lies ("I can't eat/I can't sleep...Without you right by my side"), but harmless. And she does pull herself up for being "so belligerent", so maybe she's not a total headcase. "Sex in the Lounge" says she's "addicted to brain", but is all too Boyz II Men for me. "Starships" is already wedged in the upper branches of the charts, I understand - that enfeebling strain of hip hop/disco that is fucking everywhere. Musical fucking pollen setting off my cultural sinuses. "Pound the Alarm" is just another shit in the wall - "take me and home and fuck me, you drunken cunt" music. Giorgio Morder didn't die for this.

"Whip It" is neither a Devo cover nor a tribute to Drew Barrymore's roller derby movie. It has irritating Euro dirge la-la's in it. An album of two parts so far: American grit and Euro discoballs. "Beautiful Sinner" is maybe more autobiographical than the rest. The title sums up how she sees herself, I'd suggest - even though it's nominally about someone else. Maybe she and Rihanna could double up. I would make a joke about Minaj a trois, but someone did that on the album already. And I'm way too classy for that shite.  Oh, fuck! She's got a "Marilyn Monroe" complex as well. *Faceplam*

Oh, and it's 22 tracks long. I've got tea to cook. I'm done.

Rating: EuroTrash out of Tits